A Solution To Violence In America
A Solution to Violence in America
Our hearts are broken as we begin recovery from yet another school campus shooting that has left 21 dead in Uvalde, TX. And we are faced again with how to recover as a nation from a national crisis that involves our children. Some of the most important discussions will take place in America around the office and on social media in the wake of the Texas school shooting. Mental Health, background checks, gun control, and hardened schools with better security.
But, if we do not talk about the importance of the family, we are missing maybe the most important solution to this mounting problem in our nation.
The talking points will be made the next few days on television, in the office, and on social media:
-Mental health legislation is our first action and must be immediate
-Recognizing the triggers and signs of a child shooter
-Needed police officers or Security presence on every school campus in America
-Criminals and not guns kill people and the 2nd Amendment is our right to bear arms
-Guns kill people and we must make it harder for people to get guns
-We already have laws to cover school shootings; murder is against the law
-We have lost the sanctity of the unborn life in America and that has resulted in a loss of the sanctity of our born children
-Government is not a good parent and they have already failed this test
-Absent parents and family structure is the problem
Lessons From Crises
Following another national tragedy, we may be witnessing a civil and religious surge in America.
Remember the 6 months after the tragedy that was 9/11? The unity in America was breathtaking as we watched our government leaders on the steps of the Capitol building singing together. Every night we saw stories on the news of the survivors and the slain that was both inspirational and overwhelming.
And the resurgence in the attendance at our churches from the deep pain that was felt became one of the great moments of our religious lives in America.
And the outcome of the 9/11 attacks and the terror reforms had been relative safety and national security for the last two decades.
Remember the school shootings in Newtown, CT, Parkland, FL, or Santa Fe, TX? The resulting social and political action seemed like another possibility to solve this reoccurring stain on American life as young people were seen on television, social media, and even the White House promoting reformation in their schools. Could we see another civil and religious surge in America rise out of this national crisis?
Unfortunately, the civil and the religious awakenings have not been sustainable very often. But, let's hope that things are different this time post-Uvalde.
A History Lesson
It is good to have conversations about political leans or bends in our discussions about guns and gun laws, police presence at schools, hardened schools with metal detectors or one-entry campuses, mental health counseling, and campaigns and march movements.
We can compare gun laws in Japan or Australia, talk about whether guns shoot themselves or cars drive drunk, put stricter censorship on video games, debate from a democratic or republican interpretation of the 2nd Amendment to the Bill of Rights, or even demand it all started when prayer was removed from school.
However, there’s one thing that must become front and center in this debate and reform.
A Breakdown of the Family
Healthy families build healthy children who build healthy societies. And the reforms that we need right now in this nation begin with a renewed emphasis on the family in legislation, education, and our personal lives.
Young people are making their mark on history. This is why we must protect America’s greatest resource. Our children.
We can look at the socialization gap and the effects of a lack of socialization in our society for our teenagers. We can look at poor mental health strategies and the issues that adolescent mental health has on violence in our society. And we can look at all of the other narratives such as legislative reform, censorship, and locking down the school campus. But, there is one topic that must become front and center right now.
At this moment in our nation, our efforts must be about the family.
I see family as the most important and the cheapest solution to America’s violence problems. It is the family setting that can place value on mental health. It is the family setting that can allow for the most healthy ongoing conversations. It is the family setting that can help children find the security they need in an unconditional environment. It is the family setting that creates a religious faith and worldview in the lives of our children.
It is the healthy family setting that builds healthy children who build healthy societies.
I’m not saying that every shooter has come from a disjointed and unstructured or unhealthy family. Sometimes parents do everything right but still can’t combat the choices and behavior a child.
In my almost 40 years of working with teenagers, I’ve seen the best kids come from the worst homes, and, the worst kids come from the best. Parenting is not math. It is art.
What we are seeing today in the violence in our nation is merely a repeat of history. And we don't have to look far to see the reality of the impact of the family upon this moment in history. If we are going to see lasting change, this dialogue must be more than gun control, school security, and mental health.
If we lose the emphasis and focus upon rebuilding our families and our children in America, we lose the lasting civil and religious surge we could capitalize on in our nation in this moment.
Every national crisis we see the stories on the news of both incredible heroism and unfortunate failure. And we see students taking leadership in public in every sector of society. Including government, education, entertainment, athletics, and social media. When are we going to focus upon our children?
What is undeniable, is that we will quickly be in the beginnings of a post-crisis moment in our nation once again. And let's hope that our nation's youth will help to lead us to another civil and religious revival. It's not too far a stretch to think that young people might be the key to the rise of another American civil and religious revival. Like they were in the mid 18th and mid 19th centuries with the First and Second Great Awakening‘s.
Over the years, after a shooting, my prayers and postings have been unceasing for the families in Anytown, USA. I have called local Church and organizational leaders in Columbine, CO, Newtown, CT, Parkland, FL, Santa Fe, TX, as well as others, and told the local youth leader that we are praying for them and offered practical to help as well.
But it would be nice to never have to make those calls again.
A Lack of Communication
Teenagers love to talk. It just requires from adults the willingness to listen. And ask the right questions.
How do we talk to our students about violence? And, what are the signs we should be looking for before these shootings? What should parents be talking about at home right now?
The Conversations really are easy. Maybe this will help.
Look for the signs. They are pretty clear. Although not every violent teen or shooter has walked the same destructive path, the signs have become a recognizable pattern.
A child is hurt or bullied in some way, a child isolates themself, a child gets caught in violent gaming or videos in their bedroom, a child reads threads of violence and anger on social media, a child is filled with images and violent conversations from music and movies, a child discovers an infatuation with weapons, a child plans how to get back at the people or the system that hurt them, and ultimately, a child has no one to talk to. And so they act out of desperation, immaturity, and an under-developed frontal lobe. Sound familiar?
Conversations with your children are actually easy also. Talk about what their friends are thinking. How are they handling this shooting? Are they worried about violence in their own lives? How could they intervene in a peers life that might show some of the signs above?
Hopefully understanding these signs and having these conversations will help us to see the need and heed the popular advice of ‘see something, say something.’ We must help students be pro-active with their peers when they see these signs.
Conversation could be one of the most important ways to curb violence.
Finally
Our prayers must continue. Not only today for Uvalde, TX and that small community outside of San Antonio, but, for the macro discussion about the family in America. To have the difficult conversations with our children we are building who will ultimately build the future of our nation.
In fact, our prayers must be the foundation of the solution to violence in our society. Can you see the daily impact of praying families in shaping the children in our nation? I believe that in the next decade family and faith could change the narrative. If we are willing to make an effort in every sector of our society.
Take a quick look back to the problems in the 1960’s. When students were late to class, chewing bubble gum while they were talking in class, cutting in line at the lunch room, cheating on tests, and lying to their parents about whose house they were going to sleep over. Wouldn’t you love a return to those problems again?
Today, it is different.
Looking at the 2000’s, we have another set of problems. Students are not going to class or school at all, they are cussing their teachers out or beating them up, they are shooting each other in the cafeteria or hallways, and they are killing themselves or their peers or their parents. That is the reality we live with today.
So here is my ideal solution to the kind of talk we should be having with this generation right now. A solution that can solve the problem BEFORE the gun or weapon or media or mental health or locked-down schools solutions.
We must take the next decade in America and create sustainable family reforms in the government, educational, corporate, social, religious, and family sectors. Reforms that include law, training, and resources from each of these sectors in our society for the family. Reforms that bring immediate assistance at the local level to the family through multi-layered reform and include theory and practices that build healthy families.
Because, healthy families build healthy children who build healthy societies.