Talking: A Solution To School Violence
As we are faced with another school shooting in America, there will be many opinions and thoughts shared via the news, blogs, office conversations, and social media.
We are witnessing maybe one of the most volatile seasons we have seen in this more than 25-year rise of violence in our schools since Columbine High School in Colorado. How much worse could this get?
We have come a long way in America as it relates to our anger and communication and problem-solving — a long way from success.
My parents' generation settled their issues by dealing with a teacher in a meeting, or having a parent/child meeting in the principal's office, or by spanking their child when they got home.
My generation settled it at the playground or the bus stop with a vigorous wrestling match and sometimes even our fists. And we then were sent home from school and grounded by our parents, and the issue was over in a few days.
Parenthetically, I am not asking for a return to this kind of aggression. We are experiencing bullying and beyond today because of this progression (or digression) because we don't solve problems with our children through communication, or parental grounding, or with the aid of respect for authority in the principal's office anymore.
No, today, a generation of young people are dealing with these same issues by not going to school, social media shaming, bullying, gangs, and shooting each other with guns in the hallway.
What is next? What will be the replacement for discussions, or wrestling matches, or fistfights, or gun violence?
Over the years, my prayers and postings have been unceasing for the families in Newtown, Connecticut, and Anytown, USA. I have called local church leaders in Columbine; Newtown; Parkland, Florida; and Santa Fe, Texas as well as others, and told the pastor or local youth pastor that we are praying for them and offered to help.
We need several focuses right now: counseling services for the home, educational resources, and tax credits and nongovernmental organization support, reform, and involvement.
The signs are pretty clear
And they are more than a sociological guess.
Although not every violent teen or shooter has walked the same destructive path, the signs have become a recognizable pattern:
A student is hurt or bullied in some way.
A student isolates themself.
A student gets caught in violent gaming or videos in their bedroom.
A student reads threads of violence and anger on social media.
A student is filled with images and violent conversations from music and movies.
A student discovers an infatuation with weapons.
A student plans how to get back at the people or the system that hurt them.
A family is disjointed.
Ultimately, a student has no one to talk to and acts out of desperation, immaturity, and an underdeveloped frontal lobe. Sound familiar?
We could further blame it on the political climate, 9/11 and the war on terror, the erosion of the family — or we could even go back to 1963 when prayer was removed officially from schools. The fact is, it is not going away and only increasing each decade in severity.
Take a look back to the problems in the 1960s, when students were late to class, chewing bubble gum while they were talking in class, cutting in line at the lunch room, cheating on tests, and lying to their parents about whose house they were going to sleep over. Wouldn't you love a return to those problems again?
Today, it is different.
Looking at the 2000s, we have another set of problems:
Students are not going to class or school at all.
They are cussing their teachers out or beating them up.
They are shooting each other in the cafeteria or hallways.
And they are killing themselves or their peers or their parents.
That is the reality we live with today.
There are many opinions about what the signs are that lead to this behavior. Hopefully, uncovering some of these signs will help us to see around us.
And heed the popular advice of "see something, say something." We must help students be proactive with their peers when they see these signs.
Finally
In an age of digital natives and screen addiction, face-to-face conversation must increase.
Talking is one of the most important solutions to this school violence going on right now.
Parents, family, teachers, coaches, and youth leaders must all increase the conversation with young people. It is one of the most important connectors and ultimately assurances of mental health among young people.
Just look at the conversations that must have taken place with the 2nd grader who called 911 to report the Madison shooting this week. That is elite preparation and action that was probably initiated through parental conversation.
Society (the home, church, school, community, and government sectors) must teach students to solve problems by talking and communication. If we can break the nonrelational screen addiction and digital-native issues and get young adults and teens to talk, then we can solve many of our cultural problems with ideas and relationship.
Ask teens questions and get them talking. Ask them about their hobbies, school, friends, goals, and their dreams.
Talking is very inexpensive, yet a most valuable solution to school violence.