Agreeing To Disagree
I never want to win an argument and lose a relationship.
I believe you can have both. At some point in our life, we have to recognize that our growth in Christianity and discipleship is not about speaking in tongues, prophecy, understanding mysteries and knowledge, or having faith to do miracles, or even helping the poor.
Our growth in Christianity and discipleship is about love. Everything else is secondary and supplemental. But love is primary.
Given this moment of 21st Century America, how do we navigate disagreements? How do we navigate cancel culture? We’ve not been doing a very good job of that. So I want to give you two mindsets or approaches for handling disagreements.
Two Approaches
The first approach is a THEOLOGICAL MINDSET. And the second approach is a RELATIONAL MINDSET.
The two are inseparable. I see it as truth and grace. Grace and truth. We cannot have one without the other.
And let’s use maybe the most divisive conversation of our day to illustrate these mindsets. The conversation on sex & sexuality.
Let’s begin with the RELATIONAL MINDSET FIRST. This is grace and love.
Jesus was a master at sitting with the sinners and being cozy with the crooks. Do you see the disparity in the reference? There is a savior and there are sinners. But, Jesus did not compromise His principles for the people. Understand, that implies a moral code of right and wrong.
But it doesn’t mean that we treat someone any different because they disagree with our right and wrong.
The whole world works on principles and codes. Whether civil or spiritual. But, we need to remove the anger or canceling that exists between those who disagree.
We do not have to shed our truth at the door of relationship. Love values relationship without throwing out the regulations. Love values people without throwing out the principles. Love values friendships without having to win arguments.
People do not have to behave in order to belong. There is a tension between the church and the unchurched. It’s a tension that must be dealt with by the church first. It is the church’s responsibility to break the tension. People do not have to behave in order to belong.
Listen, if the Devil can steal love, the Devil will steal relationships. And if he steals relationships, we lose the conversation.
Second, with a THEOLOGICAL MINDSET.
When it comes to morality, we need a greater ethic for our beliefs. That simply means a discipline in core value construction. Ideology is not an ethic. Theology is an ethic. Instead of a personal approach to truth, we need a theological approach to truth toward the sexual revolution.
This is the pattern of Christ. Yes, He sat with sinners and was cozy with the crooks, but, He was very clear defining the kingdom of God. Very clear. After all, He did bring the good news to a bad situation.
So I believe the Scriptures are clear about gender, marriage, and sex.
Gender – that God created the sanctity of gender as a male and a female.
Marriage – that God commanded the sanctity of a marriage between a man and a woman.
Sex - that God consecrated passionate sex within marriage between a man and a woman.
I take this from Moses in Genesis, David and Solomon in the Wisdom literature, Jesus in Matthew, Paul in Romans and other texts, Jude in the book of Jude, and John in The Revelation.
But just because somebody does not agree with me or my interpretation of the Scriptures, or, that I disagree with their interpretation of Scripture, that we cannot be in a relationship.
I’ve built my beliefs on a biblical base. It’s my ethic not an emotion. I’ve built my belief on the Scriptures and not culture. On faith and not feelings.
Oral Roberts University & The NCAA
Maybe you’ve heard about the call for Oral Roberts University to be pulled from the NCAA basketball tournament because of their student code of conduct and stance on homosexuality and other LGBTQ+ relationships.
So is that what we are going to do in our society now? So the new normal is I will tolerate you as long as you believe the same way I do. Tolerance is not a one-way street.
Is ORU being judged because this is an Evangelical University with a more strict code of conduct on student sexuality? I know there are varying differences in Colleges & Universities accepting applications from LGBTQ + students and their commitment to chastity.
For example…The University of Notre Dame accepts LGBTQ+ students but they have a clear requirement for Chastity. Actually, for every student and not just the LGBTQ + student:
“Student Affairs works to foster student growth as all strive to live the challenging, even though beautiful and life‐giving, call to chaste relationships. Thus, Student Affairs neither condones nor supports sexual activity outside the marital relationship or any sexual activities that close the sexual act to the gift of life.”
This is not a perfect statement. But it illustrates what I’m asking us to practice as a church - the relational power of agreeing to disagree.
Finally
Agreeing to disagree takes grace and truth. It takes the conviction in the ethic of having principles well at the same time valuing people. We must be careful of winning arguments and losing relationships.
At some point in our life, we have to recognize that our growth in Christianity and discipleship is not about speaking in tongues, prophecy, understanding mysteries and knowledge, or having faith to do miracles, or even helping the poor.
Our growth in Christianity and discipleship is about love. Everything else is secondary and supplemental. But love is primary.