A Teenagers Greatest Win - 6 Principles For Dating
Maybe the most important win in a teenagers life could be their dating relationships. In such a sensual ‘hook-up’ culture of no strings attached sexual encounters, if we can get teenagers to understand a few important principles about sexuality and sex, we set them up for their greatest win.
The answer to dating behavior begins with theology and not just physiology. It has become crucial for youth leaders to help adolescents create a sexuality ethic BEFORE they embark on their relationships.
As it relates to dating, the central principle I have shared with teenagers for decades is that they do not need each other. As much as students think they need another person, we have to help teens understand their most important relationship on earth is their relationship with God. When that relationship with God is right, every other relationship they have will be right also.
Bad Math
One of the lessons I learned a long time ago was that two halves don’t make a whole in relationships. Two people must bring a whole person into the relationship to make it whole. That is why I believe that relationships are better understood as art and not math. Math is too neat and clean. Relationships are organic and messy. Relational beauty is like art because its beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
There are principles that, if applied to the practice of dating, can make dating an important part of adolescent development.
D.A.T.I.N.G.
Here are a few principles teenagers need to understand when it comes to dating. I’ve given them the acronym D.A.T.I.N.G.
• Date God first. Then every other relationship will be right. Help teens understand the most important relationship to them is Christ. If a teenagers relationship with the Holy Spirit is right, their dating relationships will be right also.
• Ask the parents. Teach teenagers to meet the parents or guardian, and then to ask for permission to date someone. Talking to the parents or guardian first will bring some accountability to the relationship. Getting to know the parents is like getting to know the child. To be honest, this step may deter a lot of bad things happening. Permission granted is like trust.
• Talk. When you are on a date, never stop talking. Keep talking. Just talk. May there never be silence. Talk. See what I mean? Talk. Bad things happen when you stop talking. Plus, talking will help you to get to know each other and to know whether you would like to do this again. Are you interested in someone’s intellect? Are you interested in their beliefs? Are you interested in the goals they have for their life? What about their hobbies or strengths or weaknesses?
• Information must be shared. Things like time or curfew, what you are doing, where you are going, and who you are with. This is important in case there are problems on the date. A planned purposeful date night will not allow for sensual misconduct. Another piece of information you should have is your “list”. The “list” of what you want in a relationship – if someone doesn’t match this information, don’t date. This basic information will help your dating immensely.
• Never be alone. Every relationships need some non-negotiables. A bunch of ‘never’s’. Never go into each other’s bedroom alone, never turn the lights off, never lay under a blanket, never put the car in park if you are both in it, never go beyond kissing, and never drop her off without going back up to the door. These kind of ethics are practices that will protect your principles!
• Group dating is critical to development. Group dating can show teenagers how different people treat each other, how to handle relationships with different types and kinds of people, and take the pressure off performing or finding something to do Finally Listen to what Abby said…
“I made a list. And If someone doesn’t match my list I don’t go out with them. One of the things on my list is that I want to marry a virgin. So that means I’m gonna date a virgin!” | A b b y, 15
Finally
The key to healthy dating is not physiology, it is theology. We must create our own personal ethics before we begin dating. Ethics become the kind of practices that protect our principles. Use these 6 principles and practices to create a framework for your sexuality and sex behavior. Maybe you can even add to these with your own set of principles.
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